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12-02-2007, 9:12 PM lilybud65 Joined on 12-03-2007 Be nice - I'm new! One VERY difficult child I regularly babysit for a family that has four-year-old twins (a boy and a girl), a 2-year-old boy and an infant. Most of the time the mother is home while I am sitting and a lot of the time I act as a "mother's helper". The times I've been alone with the children, they usually have someone else there helping me. I have several friends who also sit for this family. All of them have complained about the girl twin, but I never had any REAL problems with her in my care until today. I swear, today she was possessed by Lucifer or something. I had never seen such horrible behavior. A little background on the children: they are from an upper-middle class family and are not allowed to watch TV. The father is away much of the time, but the mom is usually home. There are at least 8 different sitters than come in and help her on a regular basis. My mother thinks this is the older girl's issue, but I'm not certain it is all of it. Anyway, today was terrible. She was egging her brothers on to do everything wrong. She was clearly the ring leader. When I asked her why she was doing this, she said "Because I want to be a brat!" She was crawling on the couch, taking items out of the fridge, pulling cookies down, turning the rocking chair over and standing on it, etc. I tried earlier in the day to give her attention and praise since I thought maybe she gets neglected because of the new baby. That didn't help. I tried to ignore her behavior and it helped for a few moments. I put her on time outs, but she was immune. All she did was run around with her brothers trying to get them to cause trouble. I knew trouble was abrewin' when she refused to put on a warmer shirt and told her mother she hated her for making her wear a turtle neck, even though it was snowing outside. I never have issues with the boy twin or the 2-year-old when I am sitting for them alone. Well, never is an exaggeration, but nothing that isn't normal. If I were her mother, I would probably take her to a child psychiatrist at this point, but I can't tell a parent how to parent their child. But since I'm only the sitter, what can I do to help when these tantrums arise? She is a very pleasant little girl when she's being nice. I told her that and she tried to tell me "Well, if you're going to tell mommy about me being bad, then tell her about the times I was nice too!" Yeah, the 5 minutes you weren't a child of the corn! Are there any suggestions? I've never dealt with her like this, although all of my friends seemed to have. One of them actually quit because of her terrible behavior.    Report

12-03-2007, 9:11 PM Chosen7Stone Joined on 10-21-2005 Tallahassee, FL Super Sitter!! Re: One VERY difficult child Wow! You say mom is home when this is happening -- how does she react when her daughter is behaving in this fashion? Does she ignore it and let you take the reigns? Does she step in and try to help? How does she respond to redirecting? A part of me wonders if this can be handled in a similar (though not identical) fashion to separation anxiety -- separation anxiety is understandable and not naughty, while purposeful misbehavior is... Express your displeasure that she's making poor choices, then round up the siblings and walk out of the room. Go have a blast doing something...without her. This needs to be something that can be overheard, and will make her follow you into that room, since what you guys are doing is going to be far more exciting than being a little hellion. My best suggestion: Tickle Monster. (My secret weapon!) Wiggling your fingers toward the kids, with the biggest most devious smile you can muster, tell the kids that you're the Tickle Monster and that you're going to get them! With big, slow, stomping steps, come after them -- you're always moving at a somewhat walking pace, but they'll be running and screaming and laughing like crazy. She won't be able to resist. :) Maybe she's just easily bored, and is trying to stir up some excitement. *Love in Christ from Mary* 1 Peter 2:4-5 Vote my agency, Seminole Sitters, the "Best Overall Business" in Tallahassee for the 2007 Tally Awards at EverythingTallahassee.com!!!    Report

12-04-2007, 6:14 AM Panditha82 Joined on 11-07-2005 I Know My Way Around Re: One VERY difficult child  Chosen7Stone wrote: Wow! You say mom is home when this is happening -- how does she react when her daughter is behaving in this fashion? Does she ignore it and let you take the reigns? Does she step in and try to help? How does she respond to redirecting? A part of me wonders if this can be handled in a similar (though not identical) fashion to separation anxiety -- separation anxiety is understandable and not naughty, while purposeful misbehavior is... Express your displeasure that she's making poor choices, then round up the siblings and walk out of the room. Go have a blast doing something...without her. This needs to be something that can be overheard, and will make her follow you into that room, since what you guys are doing is going to be far more exciting than being a little hellion. My best suggestion: Tickle Monster. (My secret weapon!) Wiggling your fingers toward the kids, with the biggest most devious smile you can muster, tell the kids that you're the Tickle Monster and that you're going to get them! With big, slow, stomping steps, come after them -- you're always moving at a somewhat walking pace, but they'll be running and screaming and laughing like crazy. She won't be able to resist. :) Maybe she's just easily bored, and is trying to stir up some excitement. Chosen stop stealing my ideas/thoughts :p lol I highly agree with this one, I have three kids who are much like yours, well its the oldest daughter thats this way, though mom does come out and help, the oldest one just goes to mom or someonee else thinking oh they will save me and comfort me in other words just tell the other person to go away and just spoil her. eeeh wrong, mom dad and I thanks to the therapists,  came up with an Idea mom and I suggested called just taking her to a room and letting her calm down and well be a brat, and doing as chosen said playing a diffrent game that is super fun or intresting. and if possible doing the tickle mosnter thing, my secret wepon is my ability to do voices( cookie monster, elmo(yeah i can do elmo... shush!) any silly voice, and she instantly turns her attention to that. the reason she wants to go to mom alot is cause she works alot and doesnt ALWAYS get to see her, (unles its dinner or late afternoon) its school, theraphy (for almost 4 hours or so !) , time with me, then dinner with moim and dad then bed  i really feel for her and her parents cuase I can genuinly feel that hey as a kid you wanna go to mom! i mean she loves me( she rarely if ever goes/works with  with ANY guy other than myself or dad, we dont know why) and it breaks my h eart when she says PAN YOUR NOT MOM, wheres mom wheres mom i wanna go to mom" and i cant take her, cause mom really needs to work. soo the tickle monmster or COOKIE MONSTER bit works alot, but if its to the point where it wont work and she starts kicking and such its to the room or antoher place. where she lets all of it out and then comes back. good luck thogh one reaosn i can definitly be assured is the fact that htey have several sitters, that can be rough. the aforementioned girl I remember went through tons of sitters, IMHO if a sitter is required it should be ONE person not several, because kids form bonds with their caregivers/teachers etc. and breaking them of those bonds is not a good thing at all especially if its highly postive. its one reaosn why my curently family keeps me as much as possible, its cuase K, A, I really form bonds iwth those around them and if im the only other guy that she will listen to other than dad I can have a great impact on what i teacfh her. Judge Not yest ye be judged yourself-Jesus Christ    Report

12-04-2007, 11:24 PM lilybud65 Joined on 12-03-2007 Be nice - I'm new! Re: One VERY difficult child Thanks guys. If the mom is home she'll give her a talking-to and/or give her a time out. For the twins' behavior on Sunday, they weren't allowed to get a Christmas tree like they had planned that day. The mother told me to do what you guys suggested, but sometimes it gets tricky when the 4-year-old girl becomes the ring leader. Sometimes it happens so fast if I'm alone with all four of them...such as the two-year-old pooped his pants or the baby needs to be fed and they get ignored for about 5 minutes, then sometimes she'll try to get her brother to go along with her, which he does. The 2-year-old also tries to get in on the act when he sees both of his siblings do it, so at that point, it is impossible to single out one child. I know that she is the root of the problem, but I don't want to make her feel isolated when her brother also joined in. She was MUCH better today, only sassed me one time and her dad, who was home, put her in a time out. When her mom got home, she said the 4-year-old girl has had a rough couple of days and kicked two other sitters and mouthed off to them too. In between the time I was there and came back, she broke the heating unit in one of the bedrooms. She can be SO CUTE and sweet when she wants to be. But when she wants to be possessed, she will be!    Report